advice, mental health

On being “Too Much” (or “not enough”)

Whatever the situation, your emotions towards it are not an “overreaction”. Similarly, your emotions are not an “under”reaction. Whatever you are feeling, it makes sense. Maybe something hits you harder than you’ve seen it hit others. Doesn’t matter. Your nervous system is your nervous system. Some of us are ticklish AF, some of us are not at all. Similarly, some of us feel emotions really strongly, some of us do not. Either way, your emotional response makes sense and you deserve to feel every single ounce of it.

And if someone says you are “too much”, let this only show you that they are not someone whose support you can rely on. It means nothing about your worth, the validity of your feelings, or you as a human being. It is a reflection of what that person is capable of (and if you are that person: it’s also ok to have limitations), and of the way your two needs & personalities mesh. It is not a reflection of you being intrinsically TOO anything.

You do not have to suffer guilt for feeling deeply, or for not feeling much at all.

advice, mental health

A Practical Guide to Ethical Avoidance (AKA Boundary-Setting)

This post is one that has been brewing in my head for a long, long while.

I am a person who has been at different points in my personal history, both extremely direct and extremely avoidant. Yes, I have oscillated between these two extremes, and from living life through the lens of Both–and having suffered the wrath of others whose approach to life falls in either extreme–have decided to write this:

A Practical Guide to Ethical Avoidance.

Perhaps one day I’ll write A Practical Guide to Ethical Directness, but today is Not that day.

Avoidance as Anxiety Management

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You, avoiding your problems by running into the woods, but then after you read this guide you’re running into the light, ready to set some boundaries (har har).

How many times have you had this looming burden of interpersonal responsibility, where you know you need to talk to someone about some conflict, but the thought of doing so makes your entire being erupt with anxiety and discomfort? And so, you continue to avoid their messages (oh, didn’t see it, sorry!), you ignore their Facebook posts (weird, you’re not showing up on my newsfeed!), take different routes to work or class or in the grocery store (yeah it’s an extra 2 miles but it’s faster because there’s less traffic…probably!)?

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